A New Year

                                                                           2012

It's a new year, a new day, a new life, a new..... hmmmm, let's see, what else is new.
                                                            
Two 1/2 weeks ago Elbert and I would have celebrated our 61st anniversary.

One week ago I got through the first Christmas without him.

Today I prayed for guidance, 'Please, Lord, just show me the path I must follow'. And, He answers prayers... already... That's fast, Lord? Was I that desperate that You put me on Speed Answer!!

I'll sit down sometime this afternoon and start a new 'yearly' journal. My life is pretty well documented on those pages in cheap black and white composition books. You'd think I'd write my 'doings' in a fancy journal but my life is what it is, fancy paper or no.

Tomorrow I will start a new schedule, a new outlook, a new way of thinking and try to keep myself busy for the next few days. You see, it will be a year ago on Jan. 3rd that I lost my sweetheart. Lord, just get me through this week and then I think I can make it through the rest of my life.

On Friday the 6th I will celebrate my 78th birthday. Life goes on. I am ready, Lord. Just keep showing me the way.

Emotions... they run high

Yesterday was the Wreaths Across America where live wreaths are laid on every veterans grave in the United States. I awoke early and headed to the cemetery. As I drove along in the cold, crisp air my mind wandered  back to a similiar morning so many years ago on Dec. 10, 1950. It was on a day just like today that Elbert and I were married..... 61 years ago.

At the cemetery, I waited while the large truck arrived with the wreaths and then I got into line, along with tons of other people, to help place the greenery.

 Once I had the wreath in hand, I walked to where Elbert lay and leaned the circle of green against his tomb. It didn't look right to me and, as I straightened it, tears sprang to my eyes. So many memories, so much pride, such longing for days of yore when we were young and happy.

The ceremony followed at noon. We had a long moment of silence to honor those who had deceased. I could visualize the thousands, tens of thousands of loved ones, workers, volunteers who at this very moment sat with their heads bowed across the spanse of land from Maine to California and beyond. My heart filled with gratitude that what small part Elbert had played in keeping this country safe was being recognized and appreciated.

There was the placing of colors, the pledge to the flag, and I looked over and saw an old gentleman standing with his gnarled hand resting above his right eye in salute. I remembered the numerous times I had seen Elbert give a salute to his fellow officers, everytime he boarded the ship, when he was saluted himself. And, I remembered the last time I had seen Elbert give a salute. Our grandson was visiting and he begged his aging grandfather to don his Lt. uniform. Elbert was already deep into Alzheimers so we just slipped the jacket on and placed his hat on his head. Elbert slowly stood up and gave his grandson a salute.

For the final part of the ceremony, a bagpiper led the crowd to where the very first 25 veterans were interred in this particular cemetery.

 I stood watching as each member of some branch of service honored the person they had just placed a wreath for.

And, then the bugler began Taps...

and my mind flashed back to January 5th of this year when another bugler played Taps for Elbert's funeral.

The music for Taps is so solemn, so sad. I wonder what was going through the young mans mind when he wrote those notes first on paper. I listened to every note ringing out over the white stone tombs and I felt at peace knowing that Elbert was resting and at peace in a place where his service was truly appreciated.

As the last notes of 'Amazing Grace' vanished out of the bagpipes Shirley, John and I walked back to Elbert's grave.

 We visited at the site for a few minutes and then we walked away, daughter and wife of the veteran we loved, arm in arm.

please go to my other blog http://latane-barton.blogspot.com/ to see other pictures

Christmas preparations

I love Christmas... but for some reason I always get depressed during the holidays. At least I did in the last few years. I know having a sick husband did not help. I just had so many trials in my life that singing 'Jingle Bells' didn't lift my spirits one iota. Decorating the house seemed to have less and less energy and thought given to the task. There were just too many other things to have to care about and I got to where I did not care... period.... about all the hoopla over Christmas.

My life is different now, an empty hole in my heart for sure, but I have resolved to have a fresh start, to recapture some of the excitement that I have enjoyed in years past. So far I am managing very well. I started dragging out boxes and boxes of decorations and found myself feeling the excitement and the contentment putting each little piece in place. Music going in the background.... My Dickens village taking center stage in the dining room...

 I downsized my artifical tree to one I could carry from storage to house and then place on a table in the sunroom...

I found a pin on Pinterest that I liked. Here's what gave me that inspiration..

 I have a tiered silver dish ... I can do that!!  Hey, why doesn't mine look like that one above???

Something new so that I am not reminded of the 60 Christmases Elbert and I shared. Keep my mind focused on the here and now... don't think back and you will make it through the holidays, I tell myself.

I take every moment and try to enjoy it. I start my morning with a prayer... Thank you, Lord, for having him 60 years, thank you for a beautiful day and thank you for loving me when I didn't deserve to be loved. Help me live this day as You would have me. Amen

And, I'm doing alright..... so far...... stay tuned for further developments!!

Anniversary

Fifty nine years ago today it was a cold and clear day in Mississippi. Elbert and I were married by a justice of the peace in Columbus and then we headed back to Alabama. We were such youngsters, didn't know a thing about life and could care less. We've learned a lot throughout these years. 

Today I bought myself a burger and fries (and a drink) just before I got to Magnolia Manor. It was in a little brown paper bag. I walked into the end door and Elbert was there, with a bunch of residents having just enjoyed a Christmas program. He and I walked back to The Garden and I kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he knew what day it was. Nope. It was just another day for him. It was just another day for me, too, but at least we were spending it together. 

The girls came around putting place mats on the tables and the food cart was wheeled in. Today's meal was fried chicken, scalloped potatoes and green beans. Smelled great. I reached over and dragged my little brown paper bag in front of me. My burger and fries were a tad cold by now. I cut Elbert's chicken up for him and we sat together and ate our anniversary meal. 

Following lunch we had entertainment. I'd like to think that it was 'just for us', you know, in celebration of our big day but it was in celebration of Christmas and Christ's birth. The Isle of Wight Glee Club sang songs for us. 

Halfway through the performance Elbert nodded off. Poor thing. He just has his days and nights mixed up. When the last song was sung I led Elbert back into the Garden wing and deposited him in a comfy wingback chair, kissed him on the top of his head and came home. 

Fifty nine years.... as he would say... 'and with the same woman'. and he'd grin when he'd say it. I asked him today if he'd do it again and he said yes he would. That's celebration enough for me.

 

Christmas party at Magnolia.

What a sweet evening to spend with my hubby. The food was great, 

the music fantastic (as Elbert said, 'they are doing great') and Marie and I were very happy that Elbert was alert and having the time of his life. 

Elbert and I even danced to Hogie Carmichael's 'Stardust'. Now, you young folks aren't gonna know who Hogie was but that's ok. He wrote some really great dance music in his time.

A trip to the dr. earlier in the afternoon was good news. The medication for the blood clot (and swelling) is working. Doc says he'll check Elbert again 'after the weather gets warmer... maybe springtime,' he says.

You just can't have it much better than that. As the evening wore on I'd look at Elbert and just want to slip him out the door and bring him home. Then, I'd remember that doing such a thing would not be the best idea I've ever had. However, I will have the memories of last night and the Magnolia Manor Christmas party with me forever.

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day was filled with thankfulness and sadness and tears and joy. What an emotional roller-coaster ride it was for me. I surely wasn't prepared for that ride. It just happened as I moved through the events of the day.

My trip over to see Elbert was the thankfulness and joy part. We had a good lunch and as always he ate it all. That man does love to eat. 

 

Daughter Marie came in just as Elbert and I were finishing up our meal. After lunch we went back to Elbert's room and Marie called her daughter who lives in Arizona. The phone was put up to Elbert's ear and he chatted a bit with his oldest grandchild for awhile. 

Now, here comes the sadness and tears part. Elbert and I have spent many, many Thanksgivings at Shirley and John's house with their family, extended family and yesterday I walked up those back steps alone. Brittany and Chris were helping their Mom finish up the cooking. Ken and his wife, Bethany, had come over as well. So far, so good. I was doing alright and, then Shirley asked me to bless the food and right in the middle of it I totally lost it and ran for solitude, tears streaming down my cheeks. You see, Elbert always graced our Thanksgiving meal and the realization that he could not ever do that again was more than I could bear.

John came to comfort me and we cried together because Elbert was not there. Thanksgivings and Christmases will never be the same for any of us. Ever again.