I HATE ALZHEIMERS

I went to visit with Elbert this morning. Hadn't seen him in a week. He was in the day room where several of the residents were doing some activities. I had taken along a magazine 'Birds and Blooms' and he enjoyed looking at the beautiful pictures. I did a crossword puzzle and asked him questions about the clues but that was above his comprehension. We did enjoy our time together. 

Lunchtime came. Elbert was seated at the table where he always eats. Gladys soon came in her wheelchair and got in place across from him. I saw Louise coming. She looked at me, then at Elbert. Uh oh, I thought to myself. But, what happened took me by surprise and touched my heart so much. I'll never forget it. 

She asked, 'Have I seen you before?'  

I said 'Yes'.  

She poked Elbert gently on the shoulder (we were standing behind his chair). 

'Do you know him?' she asked me. 

I said 'Yes'. 

'Who is he?' she wanted to know. 

'He's my husband'. 

Gladys, who is seldom quiet, piped up, 'I thought he was my boyfriend'.  

I said, 'No, he's my husband. We've been together for 59 years'. 

Louise is standing there taking it all in. She looked confused, uncertain. 'That's time enough to get to know each other', she says. 

Then her head dropped, 'I wonder where my husband is' she said.

Wow, that got me. Here I am, my dear husband within inches of me and she no longer has hers. He died several months ago. I turned and put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me. 'I bet your daughter knows where he is' I said hoping that would be of some comfort. 

'I don't know what I am supposed to be doing' she said. 'Can you call my daughter?'

So I tell her it's lunchtime, why don't we sit down to eat. 

'Oh, I have no money, 'she says. 

'Guess what', I replied. 'It's a surprise. It's free today'. 

She smiles but then she again complains that she doesn't know what she is supposed to be doing. She looks so lost and tears come to my eyes. I hear in her voice the confusion of not knowing where she is, where her family is, what she will do when it gets dark, what she should do right now. 

I hate Alzheimers. I hate it for me and Elbert and I hate it for Louise and I hate it for the others that have it and their families. This is not fair. I set her down at her table and tell the nurse, 'she's confused'. DUH... what a lame statement. It meant nothing but I had to say something. Then I turned, kissed Elbert and headed home.

Communication

Alzheimer's patients have their own way of communicating. Some do not communicate at all, anymore. Some have a language all their own and some have trouble finding words to fit their thought process. Just depends on the stage of Alzheimers they are in. 

Elbert has trouble finding words. Gracie (a fellow resident of Elberts) mumbles all the time. Gladys tells everyone what to do. Louise has reverted back to her native language (Norweigan). Somehow they all get their message across.

When I visited yesterday I took Elbert over to the love seat so we could sit together and I could show him some pretty Christmas magazine pictures. He was half looking as I thumbed through, pointing out a pretty decorated tree or children with gifts. His attention span isn't the greatest in the world. But, I was trying in my own small way to make a connection.

Remember Louise... she's the sweet lady who thinks Elbert is her deceased husband. So, here comes Louise. She heads straight for the love seat jabbering Norweigan all the way. She leans down to me telling me something and I say 'speak English' but she continues as she is. Then she points for me to move. Her method of communication is quite clear. 

When I don't get up and sit in the other chair she tries to scoot down between Elbert and the arm of the loveseat. No room. I don't move. So, she sits down on the arm, takes Elbert's hand in her own. Claiming property. I just smile. Oh, she wants me to move so badly. She has made that very clear. I suggest that she sit in the nearby chair but she is not giving up. Then one of the staff spies her. 'Louise, come here'. She doesn't move. So, they get her and take her to a chair. She gets up. They place her into another chair and finally she calms down and begins to nap. 

I could have moved. I could have given her what she wanted but my time with Elbert is limited and it was my turn. Louise can sit next to him when I am home.

Anniversary

Fifty nine years ago today it was a cold and clear day in Mississippi. Elbert and I were married by a justice of the peace in Columbus and then we headed back to Alabama. We were such youngsters, didn't know a thing about life and could care less. We've learned a lot throughout these years. 

Today I bought myself a burger and fries (and a drink) just before I got to Magnolia Manor. It was in a little brown paper bag. I walked into the end door and Elbert was there, with a bunch of residents having just enjoyed a Christmas program. He and I walked back to The Garden and I kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he knew what day it was. Nope. It was just another day for him. It was just another day for me, too, but at least we were spending it together. 

The girls came around putting place mats on the tables and the food cart was wheeled in. Today's meal was fried chicken, scalloped potatoes and green beans. Smelled great. I reached over and dragged my little brown paper bag in front of me. My burger and fries were a tad cold by now. I cut Elbert's chicken up for him and we sat together and ate our anniversary meal. 

Following lunch we had entertainment. I'd like to think that it was 'just for us', you know, in celebration of our big day but it was in celebration of Christmas and Christ's birth. The Isle of Wight Glee Club sang songs for us. 

Halfway through the performance Elbert nodded off. Poor thing. He just has his days and nights mixed up. When the last song was sung I led Elbert back into the Garden wing and deposited him in a comfy wingback chair, kissed him on the top of his head and came home. 

Fifty nine years.... as he would say... 'and with the same woman'. and he'd grin when he'd say it. I asked him today if he'd do it again and he said yes he would. That's celebration enough for me.

 

Christmas party at Magnolia.

What a sweet evening to spend with my hubby. The food was great, 

the music fantastic (as Elbert said, 'they are doing great') and Marie and I were very happy that Elbert was alert and having the time of his life. 

Elbert and I even danced to Hogie Carmichael's 'Stardust'. Now, you young folks aren't gonna know who Hogie was but that's ok. He wrote some really great dance music in his time.

A trip to the dr. earlier in the afternoon was good news. The medication for the blood clot (and swelling) is working. Doc says he'll check Elbert again 'after the weather gets warmer... maybe springtime,' he says.

You just can't have it much better than that. As the evening wore on I'd look at Elbert and just want to slip him out the door and bring him home. Then, I'd remember that doing such a thing would not be the best idea I've ever had. However, I will have the memories of last night and the Magnolia Manor Christmas party with me forever.

WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH

The trip to the cardiologist yesterday...................

A trip for an ultra sound today................

Seems to be a pattern in this. 

After the ultra sound was done, the nurse came out and said that 'yes, there is a blood clot in that left leg'. 

Here is what we are dealing with. The leg doesn't look as bad in the picture as it really is.

But, look at his foot. It looks like a giant yam.

Poor baby, it must be so uncomfortable. It was all I could do to get his socks and shoes on after his procedure was finished. They have started him on medication to try and dissolve that clot. 

SWEETNESS LINGERS ON

'We have to wait on them' he says as I put Elbert into the car. We are headed to the cardiologist but he thinks his 'family at the Manor' should go with us.

'No', I said. 'it's just me and you today. We are going to the doctor.'

'We are going off and leaving them' he says and his face is filled with trepidation.

His new friends and his surroundings at Magnolia Manor are his world now. Isn't it wonderful that he isn't stressed out about being there and that he loves and looks after his fellow residents. He's such a sweetie.

Lazy Saturday

He was sitting in a wing chair, his head back, fast asleep. 

I walked up to him and put my face in front of his.

'Hello' I said

He opened his eyes, smiled and said 'Hi'

We sat side by side.

'It's Saturday' he says

'October the 3rd'.

Wow, I'm really impressed but then I see that he is reading the poster they change daily to announce to the residents what day it is. It gives the date, the day of the week and what the weather is, rain or sunny. Today is sunny. At least he can read. That's good. 

We chat a bit. A DVD of Ozzie and Harriett is playing but he's not interested. The aide brings cold water to drink and later a small cup of ice cream. I find a kleenex in my purse to wipe up the chocolate drips on his shirt and pants. He dozes off. I wake him to tell him I am leaving, again my face right in front of his.

'I'm going now,' I say.

'Bye' he says and adds 'where are you going?'  I say I have errands to run. As I leave I look back to see him fast asleep once more.