Oh Geez

My visit with Elbert yesterday was tough. When I got there he was sitting in a chair in the living room sound asleep and nobody could rouse him from his slumber. I sat waiting and occasionally I would try to talk to him but he was out like he's been hit by a truck. A half hour later (it seemed longer) I got him awake enough to move him to the couch with me and soon he slid sideways, leaning toward me. 

'Do you want to put your head on my shoulder' I asked. 

He nodded so I positioned myself to where he could rest his head and that is how we stayed for an hour and a half. We were holding hands and sometimes he'd rub my leg with his other hand. And, once his hand got to my knee. Now, I am very ticklish about my knees and he used to do that just to hear me squeal.

I asked, 'Are you tickling my knee?'

No response

I asked again and this time he nodded very slightly and smiled. A glimmer of remembrance perhaps. 

Yep, yesterday was an oh geez sort of day. I was chatting with one of the staff as we had waited for him to wake up and she said that he sleeps nearly all the time now. I know that some of that time it appears that he is asleep when he just does not want to join the world around him. And, I know, too, that sleeping in a symptom of later stages of Alzheimers. She also told me that the man that I knew, the one who would eat anything and everything is now not eating nearly as much. That's a concern. They've even tried to feed him but he clamps his mouth shut and shakes his head. This too is a symptom of later stages. 

So, I came home depressed and worried. It was almost as if he had laid his head on my shoulder knowing that soon he would not be able to do that. No one has a clue as to how long Alzheimer's patients live as each patient is different. I just feel like we have taken one more step toward that door.

Whistle a Happy Tune

Did you ever turn on the tv and hear Andy Griffith whistling as he and Opie headed down to the fishing hole? You can still see those programs on one of the cable channels. Sometimes when I am sitting with Elbert I turn it on just to recall happier times. 

After Elbert retired from his job teaching in 1990 he took up the habit of whistling everywhere he went. He was just such a happy person, always satisfied with what life had to dish out and he expressed that by whistling. I knew the minute he walked in the back door. I could hear his whistling before I heard the door creak open. It was such a joyful sound. 

Then, one day the whistling stopped. He seems to have forgotten how to purse his lips to make a tune come out. Or perhaps he has forgotten the tunes altogether. Our world we live in is silent now and I miss that whistling husband a whole bunch.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Happy Father's Day to the Father of my children. We all love you and wish you the best on this day of celebrating Dads. 

Marie and her Dad enjoying rocking outside 'The Cracker Barrel'

Susan and Shirley getting big hugs from their Dad

Michael and his Dad checking out a display in Kansas City. 

Old Mother Hubbard

                                          

I was sitting with Elbert at The Garden today and was watching the activity about me. And, I got to thinking about how much The Garden is like a houseful of children. Seventeen of them!!! Old Mother Hubbard and her shoe full of little kiddies. 

Some of them wear depends (diapers), some of them need help walking, some are toddering along on their own,

Some were babbling (you couldn't understand a word they said much like little babies cooing) Some are wanting ice cream (chocolate, please), every single one of them needed taking to the bathroom before mealtime. One had slipped down in her chair and needed uprighting, one had lost a shoe. 'Diddle diddle dumpling my son John went to bed with his stockings one, one shoe off the other shoe on. ' Some of them had been playing games, and some (including Elbert) was napping very nicely!! 

I just admire those caring souls who are so willing to care for all seventeen of them with whatever they might need. It's amazing.

ADAM and EVE IN THE GARDEN

Today was a good day with Elbert. The temp was in the mid 80s so I found him and the other residents in the courtyard enjoying the sunshine. After lunch we sat down on the love seat in the living area and I asked him if he wanted me to read some out of his Bible to him and he said yes. So, I scooted down to his room to retrieve the Bible he used the last few years of his ministry. 

I started reading Psalms and my reading caught the attention of a couple other residents and they listened for a bit. They particularly liked Psalm 23 for it was a memory from long ago and quite recognizable to them, even in their confused state. 

The new 'residents' of the Garden joined right in by singing for us. They are two parakeets and they are named 'Adam' and Eve' since they now live in 'The Garden'. 

The more I read aloud, the louder they sang. It was quite a challenge to make myself heard over their cheerful notes. But, that was alright. They are such pretty birds and their singing fills the air with music.

Louise (Elbert's 'friend') was restless today and she gave me quite a scare more than once. When I went down to Elbert's room I knew he was sitting on the love seat back in the living room area... Imagine how startled I was to have someone say 'hello' as I walked into the room. Yep, it was Louise sitting on Elbert's bed. She wasn't having any of going back to the living room with me so I left her there knowing she'd soon follow, which she did.

Later I had scooted out on the edge of my seat so I could face Elbert to talk to him when all of a sudden a hand started going up my back. It was Louise. You see, I was taking up all of Elbert's time and she was moving in on us big time. But, as I prepared to leave I passed the rocker she was sitting in and she grabbed my hand and said, 'my name is Louise' so I told her my name. She kissed my hand so I gave her a hug. Then I gave Elbert a big hug and a kiss and told him I'd see him later.

 

Church

Today it hit me why I have so much trouble attending church. Elbert has been a member of the Primitive Baptist Church since he was 17 years old. I joined after we had been married for several years (the children were small) so attending church is something that we always did together. After he became an ordained minister our church attendance was something that was a true bond between us. 

Then came the Alzheimer's and as we struggled through years of first one trial after another where I could not take him out publicly we sat home on Sunday, listening to church hymns and an occassional sermon on the tape player. He loved the soothing sound of the singing but it got to where he could not comprehend the words from the preacher. 

Once Elbert was placed in Magnolia Manor I started going back to church some. But, I found it very difficult to go alone, not having him sitting beside me or me listening to him in the pulpit preaching. And, I would be somewhat relieved when something would come up to prevent me from going. (sickness, bad weather, bad driving conditions etc).

Today when I got to church I sat down in the pew where I always sat with Elbert, picked up my hymnal, opened my mouth to sing and the tears started to flow. I didn't want anyone to notice so I tried to hold them in check but that was impossible. The notes coming out of my mouth were garbled and off-key. So, I made a retreat for the bathroom and tried talking to myself. 'Look you. There are members out in that congregation that have buried their loved ones and they are sitting there singing. Now, dry your eyes and go back out there'. So, I dried my eyes and went back out there but the tears just would not stop. And, clear as a bell, as if someone had spoken to me I heard the words, You are not supposed to be here alone.

No, Elbert and I are supposed to go to church and a lot of other places together. But, thanks to this awful Alzheimers we never will again. I am very sad today and depressed and alone and I could just curl up and die. 

However, tomorrow the sun will come up and shine and I will get in the car and go see Elbert and then, perhaps then, I will feel better.

A ROOSTER IN A HEN HOUSE

I pushed in the code, opened the door and started down the hall toward Elbert's room. Something looked different. Hey, there's women stuff in Chester's room. Guess Chester isn't coming back. He had a fall some time ago and had to go to the hospital. I kept looking for him to get well so he could come back. You see, he and Elbert were the only two men in The Garden unit at Magnolia along with 15 women. Man, they had it made, all that female attention, only Chester was often gruff and disconnected. He could be a sweetheart if you handled him right, though.

Seems Elbert is the only rooster in the hen house now. He's gonna have to watch out for those doting females. Ruth was his first 'friend' but she was soon replaced by Louise who still has top dibs on Elbert's affection. 

I know that one of these days I am going to get a call that Elbert has fallen and broken a bone or two and then his passage in time will go like Chester's has. In The Garden one day, the hospital next and then to the 'convalescent home'. It's coming. I am a realist and I must brace myself for the eventuality but I just don't like to think about it.