A ROOSTER IN A HEN HOUSE

I pushed in the code, opened the door and started down the hall toward Elbert's room. Something looked different. Hey, there's women stuff in Chester's room. Guess Chester isn't coming back. He had a fall some time ago and had to go to the hospital. I kept looking for him to get well so he could come back. You see, he and Elbert were the only two men in The Garden unit at Magnolia along with 15 women. Man, they had it made, all that female attention, only Chester was often gruff and disconnected. He could be a sweetheart if you handled him right, though.

Seems Elbert is the only rooster in the hen house now. He's gonna have to watch out for those doting females. Ruth was his first 'friend' but she was soon replaced by Louise who still has top dibs on Elbert's affection. 

I know that one of these days I am going to get a call that Elbert has fallen and broken a bone or two and then his passage in time will go like Chester's has. In The Garden one day, the hospital next and then to the 'convalescent home'. It's coming. I am a realist and I must brace myself for the eventuality but I just don't like to think about it.

 

Handsome fellow

After days of my being at the beach and not seeing Elbert I did not know what I would find. But, there he was sitting in his rocking chair watching Bonanza on tv.

I did not have my camera and here was this handsome guy just needing his picture taken. He had on kaiki pants, a light blue shirt and a knitted dark blue vest. Hair combed, looking good. His eyes were brighter than I'd seen them in awhile and he did talk some. 

Lordy, did he talk....

Getting out of his chair 'I gotta change my pants'

'Why' I ask

'Gotta go met the guys'

'Where'

'Out in the wild woods'

Oh, he thinks he's going hunting. In the wild woods? Wonder what it was that those guys did in years past in the wild woods!! hmmmm  

SPRING

Is Spring really here? It was such a gorgeous day yesterday and as I sat visiting with Elbert I wondered if he missed getting out and digging in the garden and flower beds. I wanted to take him for a drive but it's been quite awhile since he has noticed anything as we drove along the roadside. That's so sad. He did so love the out-of-doors. He'd head out first thing in the morning and I'd scarcely see him until it got too dark for him to see anything. Those days are over.

Yesterday I asked him if he remembered plowing an old mule one time and although he nodded I doubt that he does. We'd moved to the country and he wanted a big corn field. He got it planted with his tractor but when the corn grew tall he thought he needed to plow between the rows (why I don't know). We had an old plow but no horse or mule to pull it with. So, he borrowed a mule from his cousin.

Now, mules are stubborn, that is true, but this one had a double dose of stubbornness. Elbert fought that mule to keep it under subjection and he was totally worn out long before he'd finished plowing that patch. The mule would take one step, stop, turn his head to eat a corn stalk on his right, take another step, stop, turn his head to eat a corn stalk on his left. I am surprised we had any corn left after all that. It was the last time Elbert used a mule for anything.... and the last big corn patch we had. 

Just remembering things like that is painful to me. It brings tears to my eyes but it's all I have of Elbert. 

A good day

Elbert and I spend some time yesterday looking at 80 plus photos taken in 2005 that I had finally had developed at Rite Aid. He was alert, enjoyed looking at the pictures, turned them over to see if I had written on the back of each one. He always seemed to recognize himself in the image, but not others. Oh well, I had fun pointing out different ones of the family and remembering better times. 

A couple days ago I had a call from the Dr. that sees the residents at Magnolia once a week. He's trying to figure out how to keep Elbert from falling. Change in meds? Trying to keep him awake during the day (yeah, you try that. ha) And, he said that he thought Elbert would be better supervised in the 'nursing home' side. That really took me by surprise and pretty much upset me. 

So, I dropped into the head nurses office as I left yesterday. They assured me that it was just the Dr. thinking aloud about what it might take to protect Elbert from being hurt. And, that they had never discussed his falling being a problem or that he might need extra care. They reminded me that even though there is less staff at Magnolia there also are less residents and less residents that require constant care in the nursing home setting, so that Elbert is fine right where he is. Wow, that's a relief. That Dr. needed to have put his thoughts into different words. I was worried that the next step (that of having to move Elbert into a nursing home) was imminent. Now, I can relax and enjoy those good days that we have on occassion.

Friday's Visit

Today was a good day. Sun shining brightly, a bit of nip in the air. When I got to the Garden all the residents were in the day room sitting in a circle doing yoga. Elbert had tired already and was sitting with his eyes closed. Oh, how often he does that!! But, when I walked up behind him he leaned back and said 'I love you'. Major!!! He hadn't even seen who it was. Hey, wait a minute... maybe he thought it was Louise. Just kidding. 


The director, Martha, said he'd had a great morning and then she started singing 'The Old Rugged Cross'. 
'On a hill far away'.... then she paused and Elbert picked right up and carried on.. 'stood an old Chevrolet'. Don't ask me where that came from but it drew laughter where laughter is much needed.


We sat on the couch after yoga just enjoying each others company. He'd talk some, mainly about his 'work' and about the 'children'. Subjects so familiar to him in years gone by. In awhile daughter Shirley came down the hall. He took a minute to focus then said with a smile, 'Shirley'. Recognition!! Yippee. Yes, he was having a great day.

I'll do it myself

I sure miss Elbert's positive nature, his whistling, his happiness at nothing and everything, his love and caring. I sure miss a lot of things. Besides all those 'nice' things that he was, I miss all those little jobs he did for us like

Taking the garbage out
Getting our taxes done
Making us a garden so we'd have veggies to eat
Taking the car to be serviced and gassed up
Mowing the lawn
Digging holes for planting plants or for removing dead ones
Running to the store when I'd need something
Weeding my flower beds
Washing my dishes for me
Helping me with the driving on a long trip
Always getting our mail for us
Helping pay the bills
Washing the car
Raking leaves in the Fall
Bringing in all the Christmas decorations from the storage building
and much, much more

Now I do most of these chores by myself. The life of an Alzheimer's patients spouse is a lonely one, a sad one.

A BIRTHDAY PARTY

A quiet celebration. A big milestone. # 80. He was very subdued and silent when we gathered in the private dining room electing to keep that head down, eyes closed... to shut out the fact that something was required of him to be aware of his surroundings, to be a part of a world that he can no longer figure out. 

The dancing devil doll that Shirley gave him brought him out of it for a bit... The thing was loud and silly and such fun, lights flashing in it's cheeks, hips and arms twisting to the music 'Do You Love Me'. Enough to bring a smile to his face and a glimmer of fun into his eyes. 

A birthday card from his sister in law that yodeled also grabbed his attention. 

The lap throw daughter Marie had made for him with a fox hound, hunting horn and fox on it seemed to get some appreciation. 

There was a pretty shirt and socks, and balloons, too. And, a cake Shirley had made. 

The food was good. I mean, that man does love to eat and he wasn't about to turn down fried chicken, green beans and potato salad. He even had room for a piece of chocolate cake and ice cream. By this time he was tiring, his tummy full. 

I asked grandson Ken to help me get him back into the Garden (the memory wing where he lives now) We sat him in a chair in the living room. A few moments later as Shirley and John walked by she threw up her hand and called, 'Hey Dad'. 'Hey Girl' he responded 'What you been doing today?' The birthday celebration had already escaped his memory. But, it will live on in our minds and hearts for a long, long time.