Taking Steps

I get a newsletter from the funeral home that handled Elbert's arrangements. Sometimes it is helpful, sometimes not. However, an article caught my eye and since I did not see a copyright on it I am going to share it with you.

I must be making some progress. I can already check off some of those but there is work left to do.  How about you? If you have lost a loved one, how are you doing? Just realize that it is the toughest thing you will ever go through and give yourself time to heal.

Keeping Track

I recently saw an article in the AARP Bulletin that made a ton of sense to me. Just wanted to share it with you.

You know that one of the problems of Alzheimers patients is that they wander off. All too well am I familiar with that scary scenario.. Elbert wandering down the street in his pajamas in the dead of night. We hear on the news about this one or that one who has not been found for days on end. Sometimes the outcome is devastating.

The article said that there is a new solution. It  is a locator shoe with a built-in Global Positioning System that makes it easier to track down the wanderer. Wow, their own GPS. Now, they are not going to be using it to figure where they are going but allows their caregivers to be alerted when the Alz. person wanders outside the designated area. So, you are tracking them, not them tracking their route.

This is long overdue. The shoes are expensive and I realized that not everyone can afford them. Wouldn't it be wonderful if an organization raised money to make these shoes available to everyone!! Wow. Sure would take a huge burden off the already overloaded caregiver.  I say to GTX Corporation.... thank you!!

Suggestions about wandering

As I read my dear friend Dolores' blog at http://movingforwardwithalzheimers.blogspot.com/ this morning I knew that I had already walked that path and perhaps some suggestions I found helpful might be of benefit to her and to the rest of you.

David has begun to wander. Oh, I remember those days. Scary, yes. You just never know when they will become confused about their space or not know where you are... or where 'home' is, and head out the door. Elbert was forever trying to go 'home' so I tried the chain on the door.

Didn't work. He wasn't dumb... he just slid that chain until it became disconnected and out he went. Well, so much for that.

I found great peace of mind in a very simple solution. My son in law screwed in very small door alarms on all my doors and I knew everytime Elbert opened an outside door. These alarms can be found at Lowe's or Home Depot (maybe even Walmart, I haven't looked there). They come in two small pieces, one to attach to the edge of your door, the other goes on the door frame and when the door is opened the alarm goes off.

A small thingamajig (*I don't know what it's called) the alarm part I guess.... the receiver... anyway it plugs into the wall. It's small so it's no distraction. And, you can just unplug it when you don't want the alarms to be activated.

Hope this helps.

Peace of mind is a wonderful thing.

It's Been One Week

One week ago yesterday Elbert went home to be with the Lord.

I didn't know what to expect out of the grieving process nor had I ever really thought about it. Who wants to think of how they will act under such circumstances? Grief for each is different and very personal but I decided that I would continue this journey with all of you wonderful, caring friends who have held me up and sometimes carried me as I cared for Elbert. You enriched my life, you loved me and supported me and although when you come to the end of YOUR journey it will be, as I said, very different and very personal. At that time I hope that you can glean some little tidbit of comfort from being a wee bit prepared (from reading this blog)

This first week has been interesting. I have felt numb for most of the days and wanted to sleep. Oh, my how tired, emotionally and physically, I was and still am to some extent. It's okay to sleep and sleep I did. To begin with of course was the flurry of activity. Even though we had a prepaid funeral plan and had most of our information on file at the funeral home I found there still was a lot to do. Order flowers, which one daughter took care of. Arrange for the minister (our former pastor lives in Texas now), get an organist and soloist, make sure out of towners are notified. Is there enough food? Is there enough toliet paper for all this crowd? and kleenex? Where will everyone sleep? I have four children, inlaws, grandchildren. But, you know, it all took care of itself. People took over and just did.

I have had feelings of relief. I feel guilty having those feelings. I should have felt that I wanted him here with me as long as I lived. But, the truth is, I have lost him every single day for years. Too many to think about. I have grieved until I think I have just grieved all the tears out of me. I can't cry it seems. Oh, I did at the military part of his funeral. Lost it. And, that's good. I was burying my love, my companion. But, then the tears just did not come until night before last when I woke up at 3 a.m. I felt odd, like I was an unloving spouse for not shedding tears. I hope that in time I can cry my heart out. But, you know, I was not an unloving wife and I know he loved me so very much. As he lay dying he knew me and a lot of the family were there. When I'd say something to him he would try to turn his body and lift his arms up toward me to give me a hug.

Okay..... now I'm crying!! Maybe I just needed to talk about it and too, I have tried to be so strong for the children and grands. Shirley said yesterday 'Mom, you never cease to amaze me'. Well, kiddo... I do it for you!!

I've been in my house alone for one and a half years. So, settling down by myself in the house has been comparatively easy. Elbert was in a very loving nursing home and I feel that the family made the right decisions about first placing him in an assisted living and when he couldn't stay there to move him on to a nursing home. I couldn't have cared for him at home without round the clock help. We couldn't have been more pleased with his care at Consulate N.H.  In fact, after he passed some of the nurses were seen in the hallway crying. That's special care.

TIP: Do  your homework if you plan to use a nursing home. Get references, visit the facility at odd times, and keep a watch during your loved ones stay. The more you visit the more they are sure to be on task.

Yesterday, the one week anniversary, Shirley got me out of the house. She has been my mainstay for years. Well, I guess she had to be.... she lives next door. (grin) We dropped off flowers for the nursing home staff and a thank you card. We just wanted them to know how much we appreciated their attentiveness and kindness. Then on to pick up granddaughter, Britt, who was due any hour. She wanted to spend the night (and watch the football championship) with her Mom. Got a text message a bit ago..... they are headed to the hospital. Little Dylan is on his way.

How significant is that!!! Life passes on, a new life begins.