Friday, May 22, 2009

April 15, 2009

I am so frustrated I could cry a bucket of tears. Elberts been on a rampage all afternoon and way into the night, something about someone getting his billfold and taking his money. He still carries his wallet but I don't put much money in it. Still it is a very important part of his identity and we can't take everything away from him. After a long time of fretting about his lost money he then changed it to having lost a box that had his clothes in it. It seems he wanted to catch a bus and now he couldn't because he didn't have any money and no clothes. They had been stolen, didn't I remember and could I not fixed it?

The weather is cold for April so I crawled into bed, covered up and prayed that I could sleep, and more importantly, Elbert would sleep.

The following day Elbert got obsessed with his hunting dogs. Our son who is living with us has a yellow lab named Casey and all of a sudden Casey was the only dog Elbert had left, the rest were all gone, he didn't know where they were, so he wanted to put Casey into the trunk of our car so he could take her home. I know he is getting glimpses of the thousands of nights he loaded up his truck with his Walker foxhounds and head off to the woods for a good nights hunt. Those days are gone forever.

So things were rough around here and lo and behold I get a call that there is an available private room at a nursing home just 20 minutes from the house. But, Elbert would have to go into the hospital for the customary 3 day stay before he could be transferred to the nursing home. Far as I know Elbert's healthy as a horse, it's his mind that's sick so I had my doubts that we could do anything with this news. As it turned out, our doctor was sympathetic but her hands were tied.

However, that made us realize that a new home for Elbert was a heck of a lot closer than we had imagined. We needed to get off our duff and get prepared. After I had heard that we could have a room the reality of Elbert possibly never being home again really hit me. As I put him to bed the night before the doctors visit he kept telling me he loved me. I started to cry and I cried myself to sleep. So, when the dr. said she couldn't put Elbert in the hospital, Elbert and I went out for an ice cream to celebrate his staying home.


I know eventually the opportunity and the time will come but not right now. I am just not ready.


Dolores said...

I happened upon your beautiful blog last night, and I cried with you..... I'm so sorry you're traveling this Alzheimer's journey.

Our journey started almost 4 years ago..... and I can so relate to your feelings and your fears.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Peggy said...

Hi Latane, when the time does come you will know and be able to accept it, in the same way you have had to accept all the other changes that have been thrust upon you.
best wishes and hugs