Friday, November 18, 2011

Wintertime and being alone

I dread Wintertime. I dread Thanksgiving. I dread Christmas. I just dread being alone when it's cold and miserable outside and people don't come by and I can't get out. Bad time to be alone, that's for sure.

So, much of the time, when Elbert was with me, we'd sit in the sunroom and watch the birds. Yes, I have the feeders out already but it won't be the same... noone to say, 'hey, look at that little bird. He's really hungry this morning' .

We'd sit and watch the snow falling. We didn't have much snow in Alabama so we enjoyed the snowfalls in Virginia. It always seemed so magical, coming down in big flakes. I suppose the magic will be gone out of it this year.

In early December Elbert and I would bundle up and walk up the street to see our son-in-law's latest creation of Christmas lights on their house. This year I will make excuses... it's too cold, I am busy, can't go right now.

We always would get a call on Christmas morning ... 'come over, the kids are up and ready for Santa' and Elbert and I (already up and waiting) would walk over and we'd sit around the tree and open presents. Then, it got too much for Elbert, tire him out and he really didn't know what the hullabaloo was all about. He didn't even know that the presents were for him and that he was supposed to open them.

Yes, I dread all these first events... I have to focus on the here and now.

I can enjoy the birds and I might even start making note of all the different kinds I see

If we get snowfall I hope it is enough so that I can make 'snow cream'. I'd like that.

I might put my coat on and wander down the street. I will need to take a picture of all the lights. How else will I share them with all my wonderful blogging friends?

Christmas morning I will be waiting for that phone call. And, I will walk over and find my place beside the tree. I'll play with baby Dylan (he'll be 11 months by then) and I'll try to keep him from snatching ornaments off the tree.

I'll miss my guy that was always beside me, laughing and enjoying the family and all his presents.

Yep, I will make it, day by day, with a lot of help from God, family and friends. And, there will be memories made for me to cherish in years to come. In years to come, it will be easier, I think. Just not this year.


rkbsnana said...

And I imagine, even if you had a houseful of guests, it would not be the same as the long time companion you miss. And even if he had not spoken a word, I imagine just his presence was comforting. Please try to enjoy the holidays, however different they may be. And please let us know how you are. I do look forward to your posts.

NewKidontheBlogg said...

It will be better, but just not this year. You are grieving properly. Your pictures are wonderful and the sentiments so appropriate.

Hugs and prayers,

Mariarose said...

He is there in the beautiful family you created together.

Dolores said...

Your pictures are so beautiful! I especially love the one of you and Elbert, him by your side.

I can only imagine how much you miss his presence in your day to day life and on these special occasions.

So glad you have family nearby. This year you'll be making different memories. I'm thinking precious little Dylan will be a comfort.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

NewKidontheBlogg said...

I realize I need to write more.

I went back to the first Christmas after my late husband died. Now, Latane, he was in the hospital the previous year and died the day after Christmas. I felt it would be wrong to decorate.I also knew I couldn't be alone. I needed to be with family. I spent that next Christmas at my brother's home. It was hard, but it was a good plan.

Hugs and prayers,

ain't for city gals said...

Oh my...please don't be sad. Elbert would not want you to. We lost my dad a couple of weeks ago...we are hoping for the strength for us to carry on through the holidays. I am going to have Thanksgiving and then we will go to the cemetary to share time with my dad. My dad's last words to me were "Please don't cry"...I can't help it either.

Peggy said...

Hi Latane, the long dark evenings are hard when you are alone but I hope your family and close friends will help you through them. You have wonderful memories and as previous comments said, this year will be a time for making new ones with your lovely grandson who in years to come will remember his fun Gran who made every day special not just Christmas!

Molly Mandeville Fryer said...

I haven't checked on you lately and as I read this post I realize that your husband has died. My mom died in June. My dad died in 1998 and on that day, my mom began a long slow death. She didn't think she wanted to live without him although she had much to live for. She was very talented not to mention she had 4 grandchildren to enjoy and help with. She quit going to church, reading, quilting, and cooking, all things she loved to do. Don't stop living. There is alot to live for. Just find a new nitch.

Marie said...

Mom, this is so sad. I know how much you are going to miss Dad, this first winter and holiday times that you will be without him! This is going to be a hard year's end, but I pray you will find comfort and joy where you can. Love you so much!!!!