Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Hmmmm.... Puzzling Question


I was having lunch with girlfriends the other day when one (a widow of about 2 years) started talking about certain widows in our town who have taken off their wedding rings. It seemed to disturb her a lot and she explained that she considered herself and her husband still married and always would.

She just kept talking about it and then asked to see my left hand!! I pulled it up from my lap (we were eating lunch, you know, and being the etiquette queen that I am.. hehe.., I did have my hand in my lap). She glanced at it and saw that there was a ring there and said, 'Oh, you still have yours on'.

I so could have said 'yes' since she didn't notice and assumed it was my wedding ring. (It was costume jewelry)  It could have slipped by so easily but I HAD to explain. What is it with Southern Gals who think they have to explain every little detail about every little thing? So, I am telling her that I have arthritus in my knuckles and can't wear my wedding rings anymore. Did she not notice this before Elbert passed away or is it more relavant now than it was then?



So, you know me, I got that on my mind and I just wondered what the protocol is on wearing rings. If they still fit, I mean. Elbert is still, and will always be, the other half of me. However, our physical partnership is gone. Does that mean we are still married? The vows say 'until death do us part'. In a huge sense I feel married and yet in another I don't. Is that strange? or a bad thing? The partner that I made a lifelong contract with on our wedding day is not here to hold me, help me make decisions, share in my joys and pain. I feel disconnected from that partnership because of that.

This is a new struggle I am having in this 'grieving process'. If I am to move on, I need to know in my heart what I am to carry with me to this new place in my life. Oh geez, life sure is tough. I guess I will take each day as it comes and one of these days it will become clear to me. If not, I'll be okay.

9 comments:

Mary said...

Here's some reading that may help on this topic: http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-heaven.html

rkbsnana said...

Love to you, my new friend. It is a daily struggle, isn't it? And now for the holidays...

Dolores said...

This is my first time to think of this........hmmm mm, one day at a time...
Hugs!

W. Latane Barton said...

Mary, I didn't find a way to contact you personally so I wanted to thank you for the link. Certainly puts a new perspective on the issue.

Marie said...

I think everyone should make their own decisions about this, and others should never be critical about someone's personal choice. My two cents...

Susannah said...

I never knew what to think of this. I think I like your daughter, Marie's, answer.

Susannah

Pamela said...

auntie Fern will be 103 in April. She and Bill were married 73 years. Yes - he is still her husband (and he is waiting on the other side! I quote!)

Pamela said...

ps. I think it is a personal thing and no one should judge

NewKidontheBlogg said...

Latane,
I was a widow for eight years and did take off my rings. When I was engaged to my current husband in 2000, I asked him if I could use the diamond from the rings of my first husband in a new setting and he said yes. So the ring I now wear represents the love of two husband.
Hugs,
Carol