Sunday, January 16, 2011

Shock Gone

The numbness and shock that I have felt for two weeks wore off during the night last night. I awoke this morning missing Elbert, missing our life together, allowing myself finally to think back past Alzheimers. I had not allowed myself to 'think and feel'. I thought it would be easier that way. So I wrapped my mind, heart and body around the moment, doing very ordinary things. Then I was worried because I didn't grieve a lot.

Yesterday I was cleaning out a spare room upstairs and ran across a box of momentoes that I have saved over the years. I decided to scan some of the things and sort some out to give to the children. Yesterday I handled it well.... this morning I am full of tears remembering the good times and embracing the hurt and sadness and loss.

There were so many little pieces of paper (a telegram from 1951 where he informed me he and his buddy had arrived back in Calif from a visit to see me safe and sound).

There was a poem he had cut out of a magazine and wrote my name at the top and signed it with his at the bottom.

There were cards from flowers he had sent me, and some letters I had saved from the beginning of our relationship to recent times. There was a book of tickets from OUR egg farm back in the 50s.  We were short of money and he bought a hundred chickens from our landlady and sold eggs to sailors on the base.
And, so much more. We certainly lived a full life and most of the time a meaningful life. We traveled and did exciting things. We scrimped when the pay was low. We lived in all kinds of conditions and I wouldn't trade any part of it for the world. So, Honey, here's to you...... Thanks for giving me such a wonderful life. I will always cherish the memories.


Gilda Spitz said...

Lovely memories, Latane. Thanks for sharing.

Love, Gilda

Dolores said...

Aren't you happy that you have these wonderful keepsakes. The poem is so sweet!!!! I love how he put your name at the beginning and his at the end....

You and Elbert truly lived a love story with your beautiful family.
God is so good how HE is helping you to remember the good times.

I sometimes worry that all I'll remember is Alzheimer's, but you're showing me otherwise...thank you Latane!

NewKidontheBlogg said...

Lovely, LaTane. I feel those tears with you and the idea that the shock is gone. About two weeks after my late husband died I had a two hour crying episode. Before that I was strong for others perhaps.

These items will be great for a scrapbook/photo album that you make when you are ready.


Living on Less Money said...

Oh sweet one. Bless your heart! I can't even comprehend the loss of a husband but I can relate to trying to ignore the grief.. I've done so with my father and now realize that even Jesus wept. I'm glad you're embracing the loss yet not grieving as those who have no hope.

Sheri said...

It is bittersweet isn't it, the pai and the love all mixed up.

Sheri (Living in the shadow of Alzheimer's)

Linda J. said...

After my mother's passing, I immersed myself into sorting photos, papers, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. for the grandchildren and me. It was a good healing time. Shedding tears can be good for the soul.

Susannah said... very sweet. Save those wonderful memories. I love the poem.

Thinking of you often, Latane.


Lisa said...

So touching and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.