I've been attending the Alzheimers support group and it's been very helpful. At one of the meeting Susan, the director, asked me if I would like to take part in the Memory Walk. I've never been in a Walk before. Besides she wanted Elbert to be the Honorary Chairperson. That was an honor and I sure couldn't just sit back and do nothing. Besides, I really feel like I need to connect with other caregivers, to lean on them and have them lean on me, to do my part to help out. But, I have no idea what is expected of me. I've never raised funds before. And, I am no good at asking people for favors (or money). Don't know how that is going to work out but I will try.
At this time there's a part of me that feels overwhelmed. The partner who was to help me through these 'golden' years has checked out on me. I feel a sense of resentment. How dare he do this to us? There is so much I want to do and can not and then there is what I HAVE to do. My priorities get scrambled and I lose my way. And, then I find myself again and shout hooray!! only to lose myself again in a couple of days or so.
Perhaps if I focus on this Memory Walk I will be doing something to help Elbert and I will earn for myself a sense of being, of some worth. Just maybe. But, first I gotta figure out how to go up to people and ask them for donations. Come on Confidence.... Quit hiding.... I need to succeed. I need to find me again.