Wednesday, January 4, 2012

One Step At A Time

One year ago. A mountain of fog and tears, my heart ripping out, my life turned upside down. 2011 started off in the worst way and it was a roller coaster ride (and still is, I might add).

It was on January 3, 2011 that Elbert passed away. I wasn't sure how I'd handle the anniversary which happened to be yesterday. Dau. Shirley and I went to Hardees for the biscuit and sweet tea just like we did when Elbert was with us. We talked, we cried and then we came home.

Later on I went upstairs to clean out a closet. January is my month to deep clean all the closets. I pulled out clothes that needed to be gotten rid of, some winter clothes I had forgotten I had and was thrilled to see, a pair of boots I might need when it snows.

Then I move over to a closet that is filled with shelves. So much stored in there. Old pictures, scrapbooks from old ago, mementoes, books. When Dau Susan found out what I was doing she was concerned.
'Mom, you think that is a good thing to be doing today?'

Now, I'm not recommending this for grieving spouses, especially on the anniversary of their loved one's passing. Everyone is different and must handle things in their own good time. But, for me, it was comforting, looking at books he had read, pictures of his Navy career, finding postcards he had sent me when we were dating, letters he had written. For a moment I set aside the pain of his years of Alzheimers and was lost in the joy of our life together, when things were wonderful and exciting and we had so much to look forward to.

(Elbert & I on a ski lift in Vermont)

Life has it's cycles. I am now in one that I can put no name to. The roller coaster ride, like I said. Some days I am alright, doing the business of living and getting ahead. Some days I cry a lot, some days a tear wouldn't come even if I tried, Some days I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff, hanging on for dear life. Some days I slip off that edge and plunge down to the ravine below.

The ravine thing is happening less and less. I have so many to thank for making my days easier to handle... my children, God bless their sweet hearts. My grandchildren who have been so caring and loving. The hugs and love from those precious little great grands. My Sister who lost her husband just 6 weeks before I lost Elbert. And, all you great bloggers. Oh my, how you have sustained me, held me up and stood in there with me. Thank you.


Stacey said...

I'm praying for you!! Anniversaries like that can be so difficult. So glad you were able to feel some comfort and peace yesterday! I pray that you enjoy the rest of your week leading up to your birthday! Thanks for sharing and being a sweet blessing!

Jenn Jilks said...

You are such a beautiful person, Latane.
This is only a date on the calendar. You honour his love and his life every day.
He wouldn't want you to grieve on this day, but look back at those photos and memories and laugh and smile.
Don't let this day obscure the joy of your lives together.
You and he have such a legacy. If I died tomorrow I would hold this in my heart. I know my family would hold those memories in their hearts, too.
Many hugs from Ontario.

Maddy said...

Everyone copes in their different ways. Wishing you the very best.

rkbsnana said...

Oh, my. You have Christmas and his passing to get through so close together. I love that picture of the both of you. I can see his love for you in his smile and expression. I hope your days become easier and glad you have family nearby.

Linda said...

Praying for you right now Latane, and wishing you a blessed birthday. A friend who lost her husband five years ago tells me that the memories become less painful and more joyful as time goes on. Praying for you. So glad you have those grands and great grands. God bless.

Dolores said...

Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Anniversary dates are always so difficult, but I like the way you spent your day.....remembering the happy times and beautiful memories you 've had with Elbert.

The beautiful picture speaks volumes in the love between the two of's so sweet!

Marie said...

Another wonderful post, Mom. I think of the strength you must be lending to so many of your blogger friends who are going through one phase or another of this very difficult journey, and I know you are as much of a blessing to them as they are to you. I love the picture of you and Dad on the ski lift, and the quote is so good! Love you so much!

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