Sunday, March 15, 2009

I'm Depressed May 2007

So much has been going on...and I am so depressed. I'd taken a trip over to College Farms to pick up four gallons of strawberries. Some to eat, some to put in the freezer and some to give away. I was just driving along and suddenly burst into tears. I was wondering if there was bread at home. Now, how crazy is that? A stop at a store would fix the dilemma. No big deal. But, the tears flowed. Next doctor visit I mentioned it to our family doctor and she prescribed an anti-depressant. Well, whatever it takes. Crying over bread is pathetic, but the root cause lies hidden deep inside me, digging at my spirit. I've tried very hard to be upbeat, to deal with each new phase but it's just bigger than me.

Three weeks later I am sitting at my sewing machine upstairs making a quick project for son Michael. He was there directing me (after all it was a hatch cover for his boat and something totally unfamiliar to me) and we heard a huge thump. Both of us ran downstairs as fast as we could go. We found Elbert, sitting on the floor,  leaning up against the kitchen cabinets. There was a gash in the back of his head and a skinned place on one elbow. Michael and I both tried to get him out of the floor and finally got him into a chair but his eyes were vacant, he was convulsing some and trying to vomit. I called 911. In a distant fog I heard the sirens coming.

Elbert was loaded into the ambulance and we headed to the ER. All the tests came back negative so at midnight we headed back home. What caused those symptoms? Why didn't they find something to justify his collapse? Now, I am left to wonder when it will happen again.

A week later when we go to get the staples out of that nasty gash our doctor says the drop in the blood pressure was probably caused by the dosage of aminodrone that he takes for his atrial fib. He has to have that so what do I do now? Gee, no wonder I get depressed!!
then volunteer firefighters filling the kitchen. Soon the EMTs got here. People had gathered on the front lawn to see what was happening.


Linda J. said...

I honestly don't know if I could have made it though my mother's Alzheimer's without the help of an anti-depressent. My thoughts continue to be with you every day throughout this journey.

Anonymous said...

Depression can hit any of us anytime. I used to think that I as immune but I was wrong. It wasn't at first but later after I had survived chemo I woke up one day and really didn't want to get out of bed. I got myself to the doctor pdq and he said that he was surprised that it had taken so long for it too hit. He told me that most people when handed an almost death sentence would more than likely become depressed and if they didn't - they were crazy LOL. Three years later I still take antidepressants and I am almost afraid to go off them. I think I have more stress in my life no with mom and dad than I did back then fighting for my life.
On a good note - the case worker was here today and I will ge getting some help. Not a lot to start with but it will be 5 hours more to myself than I had yesterday.
Keep smilin

Martha said...

You have done a beautiful job of chronicling your life with Alzheimers. It is not something I am dealing with but something that is on my mind as my husband and I age. Our nine-year-old grandson is much like an Alzheimers patient. Profoundly retarded he can walk but not talk and needs help in all life skills. He, too, likes to have a loved one nearby

Peggy said...

You needed an escape valve for yourself in the middle of so much heartache. If Elbert had to stay on that medication how has it turned out over the years, I hope he did not have anymore terrifying accidents.I really think your posts on this disease should be seen by many more people who it could help.

W. Latane Barton said...

You girls have no idea how much strength I gather from your kind remarks. I feel your concern and your caring and that lifts my spirits. Thanks.