Thursday, February 19, 2009


On New Years Eve people go out to celebrate. Sometimes they watch the ball drop on tv, sometimes they are the ones out in the cold watching it drop in person. But, here Elbert and I sit, alone. I've been depressed for weeks now and the thought of another year of the same ole thing or even worse things just does not improve my emotions.

As night draws near Elbert gets restless. He's back on the 'The owners of this house are coming' kick. He wants to know if we have the car here, so I said yes it's in the garage. He gets up out of his chair and announces that he is going to back the car out of the garage so that when the owners of the house get here they can park in there. Man, he just can't get that out of his head and after awhile, it begins to drive me nuts. I tell him it's okay for my car to be in the garage, that we are staying here. He got really quiet and then he said, 'I'm going to get me a piece of paper and write down all these stories you are telling me'. I just burst out laughing. It was so ridiculous so I told him 'I'm going to write down all these things you are telling me'. What he doesn't know is that I have been recording his decline into Alzheimers for years now. He doesn't even know he's not normal anymore. He think I am the one with the problem. How strange all of this feels.

The New Year will be 2007. What will lie in store for us? It's scary to even think about it so I try not to, just take one day at a time. But, reality is reality. My days are marked with more caregiving, more confusion, more work, more worry. 2007 doesn't sound like it is going to be a good year.


Peggy said...

You sound so lonely and lost there, I think new year's eve is like that if anything traumatic has taken place you wonder if it is over or will continue. Yours has continued as this story is 3 years behind.

serendopeity said...

Latane - I totally get the Writing everything done. Mom is constantly battling me when I tell her things she has done. Sometimes it feels like she thinks that all i do is lie to her. I know it is not her fault but at the same time I cannot help but wonder what goes on in her mind. She has gone from being meek and mild to foul tempered and paranoid at times. Everything that "disappears" must have been taken by "you know, those people!". I am getting very discouraged and know that I need to call Community Access and get some help but everytime I pick up the phone I feel so guilty that I hang up before I dial. I just wish this would all go away or better yet back to what it was before she had AD.

The Tile Lady said...

A sad post, Mom.